A Henry by Any Measure- Dating in your 40s Life
Phil referred to himself eccentric before I met him in person. After meeting with him and dating him for some time, I think he is temperamental, a little crazy and even kind of a Wild Man at times.
I met him online and was interested in his above average looks and statue at 6 foot 2. He is a first rate Henry by any measure, and a lot of women are interested in dating him. As an independent woman, I didn’t at first recognize this, as I think of myself as a great catch.
After a long marriage of 12 years ended in a failure, mostly my fault, I suddenly was in the market again and quickly learning to navigate it.
Wow, dating in your 40s
At first, I thought it would be easy, and I got a lot of interest in my profile on Bumble. I was able to get dates, and was a bit surprised a few times when the profiles didn’t meet with reality.
I didn’t know what I was in for, or how much effort it would actually be. It took me a great while longer than I had hoped.
My First Attempt- The Disingenuous
The first guy I met with named George, had also been in a long relationship. He was shorter than his profile said, which didn’t really bother me since I’m only 5 foot 3 inches myself. What bothered me, was the dishonesty. He was both older and shorter as well as he seemed a little broken.
He had tried hard during the date, but I felt he was disingenuous from the start and I couldn’t get past it. He was just a guy trying to restart his life, and I totally get it and can empathize with it, but I was ill prepared to actually face it, to face reality, or to help him.
For guys I’m told that they don’t get a lot of women matching with them, unless they are 6 foot tall plus, which I think is more telling on women. We all want the best prospect in a mate and the best man one can land. So I’m told a lot of men lie about their height. It’s too bad that the situation is what it is, and the dating apps make us or at least aide in making us so shallow.
George met me and was sort of charming, but it seemed that he was uncomfortable and trying too hard. I didn’t give him a chance, and expected too much, I’m sure of that now.
My Second Attempt- a perfect match?
I next met Jon for drinks. He was a large man who had just retired from the police force. He was tall, I have to give him that, even though it isn’t a requirement for me. He was starting his own business making cakes for a living. I liked that he was entrepreneurial and driven, which were attractive features.
He was nice and warm and I really liked him. He talked about his future and what he wanted to do in life now that the bad reality of meeting people face-to face under the worst times of their lives as a police officer was behind him. He was nice and straight forward. He asked about me and my life, and what I was looking for and where I wanted to go. We had a long date and talked for a long time and I was intrigued by him.
I took it hard when he never asked me for a second date. The tables has turned and I felt dejected like I was back in high school again. I surely liked him, but why hadn’t he liked me? It was a little soul crushing and I had to spend a little time reflecting on what I had said, and what that I wanted out of life. Was I shallow and disingenuous myself? As I think back, maybe both of those things were true at the time of me.
I hope he found what he was looking for if it wasn’t me. Nice guy.
About My 20th or 30th Attempt
I lost count by this point and many of the men blended together in an amalgam of sorts, with the vision of a semi-balding, semi- insecure, slightly overweight man that was over enthusiastic and more than willing to buy me dinner. I should have counted myself lucky to have met and enjoyed the attention of these wonderful men and they paid for dinners. But I was disinterested in the group, en masse.
I’m going to call him Tom, but really it could have been any man. We met and chatted about life and what fun things each of us liked to do, who we know, maybe what we do for a living.
But it was more of the same for me. He was either disingenuous or I was. He was too talkative or I was. He was charming or I was. You get the picture, but the bottom line was, we weren’t each other’s match despite all of the effort to match, chat, meet and then be disappointed.
I really had taken a hit to my ego, which in hind sight, I think I needed to put me in a better state of mind and be open to the right thing once I find it in the wild. Dating in your 40s is tough for both sexes.
Finding My Henry!
I had not come across a Henry before, at least not someone actually defined as such, albeit by a (semi-formal) definition. The term was new to me: HENRY= High Earner, Not Rich Yet – describes people who earn high incomes, usually between $250,000 and $500,000, but have not saved or invested enough to be considered rich.
I had met several men that seemed to have money, so that wasn’t new, but meeting a man that was the full package, was well, refreshing, to try to put a fine point on it. Finally, someone I could get on board. I mean on board with.
My definition of a Henry goes beyond well outside of finances, and I just think of it as a great catch. Someone who gets the fires lit.
Phil- assertive, masculine, energetic, respected, character, and then the physical features. Although the definition is there, the financial part of it didn’t really matter to me, it was just another thing that allows Phil to be himself.
Phil met all of the criteria and then some. I think it is more about culture than his looks, but still in the big picture he has it all. He is a little crazy at times and does what he wants, walking and talking to his own beat.
He bought new golf clubs just to go golfing with his dad and then gave them away to his friend.
He owns his own business and works his own schedule.
He works hard, but also plays hard.
He has several interests that most people wouldn’t think to do themselves, like Geocaching. He dresses a bit oddly, and as a younger man who doesn’t need them, wears suspenders.
He always insists on wearing a hat, like a fedora when he feels like it no matter where he is going. I see him as inspiring for his courage, and willingness to take risks, and to express himself honestly. He does what he wants, when he wants.
There is something about a man being a man that works for me, and his displaying of a unique flair and creativity. I realized that I was more interested in his goings on than my own, maybe for the first time in my life. He treats me well and makes me feel feminine when he orders for me or pulls out my chair. Things that no ordinary man does today.
As I said, I considered myself and independent woman, but now count myself a little lucky that he is interested in me, and I’m a little humbled to be part of his world. I realize that I am lucky that I was able to wade through the masses and still come out the other side for the better. I stared out very disingenuous myself and leaned a bit along the way.
Phil, my love, he is certainly an individual and that stands out from the crowd, and my luck at joining him in his world, has changed mine.
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