Okay, you have decided that you want to date. Well, now you need a game plan for success.
So, let’s talk about how best to do it. By “it,” I mean date, not what you might have thought I was implying… You just met the person after all. Now, what to do, where to meet and what so happen?
If you meet someone online, you will have conversations, either exclusively in the dating app or maybe you have moved over to texting. The latter of course seems better, and that probably means that you have established or developed at least a minimum level of trust. But, cut down the texting, and meet in person.
Don’t waste too much time and effort on texting the person you just met, as you might find that you actually do not like each other, when you ultimately meet in person. You need to be agile enough to make a decision on the person, or to choose among other people you may have met.
Don’t invest too much too quickly on a single individual for whom you know almost nothing. Sure she may be pretty, or he may be handsome, but you really don’t know much more than you may have a little lust at this point and time.
Single Man and Woman on First Date -A Game Plan for Success
So, find a place to meet.
Typical wisdom says to first find a convenient venue for you both, but I say make it easy on the other person and pick a venue that is nearer to them. Of course a conversation is required to figure out the location. Find a spot that lets them know you are considering them.
It is best for a man to be familiar with the place that is chosen. If you haven’t actually been there before, do a little research so you know you way around and what else is near. Find something that is not too fancy, or too loud, it’s just a first meeting and the place need to allow you the ability to converse.
Understand that the first date is an introduction, that shouldn’t last more than an hour, but if things do actually go well, maybe you can walk around a talk a little more after. A fit could also mean to you feel good standing next to the other person? Is there a natural fit, physically, where you can connect? Do you find that you want to hold each other’s hands?
The meetup itself – just do it.
Do it in the afternoon? By do it, I mean meet, not what you might be thinking… Do it in the afternoon? Again, I mean meet in the afternoon. This gives both of you a little time and space to decide if you have any interest in a longer date, at another time. Yes, it could mean immediately after, but you don’t have to do that. A little space and time for perspective or introspection is a good thing.
The afternoon date gives the opportunity for a casual time for conversation with little commitment or expectation. If you don’t know each other, a daytime date is less intimidating.
Meeting up is just a getting to see you and catch your vibe, type of date. Getting to see her and catch her vibe. The get to see if your profile matches your spirit? Does her profile match her presence?
I’ve seen some fun profiles, but met very different people in-person. A mismatch in energy really.
It’s surprising what is presented online via a written profile and a couple of pics vs. the reality, in-person some times. Your profile should show you as a fun person, but if you aren’t actually that person, it will be obvious to the person who may have had expectations. And that you may not be a match with the information that you provided upfront in your profile. In other words, be genuine.
Keep it simple
So, in your game plan for success, keep it simple. A walk in the park with your dogs. Okay there was a movie about that, but it can be a thing if you both love dogs. Meet for a coffee (daytime) or a drink at a local bar (early evening). if the two of you are not a match, you aren’t stuck with each other for hours on end.
Have an escape plan
As part of your game plan for success, have an escape plan. It can be that you are actually meeting your mom or your daughter at the mall later, that might be a good thing. It can be just an excuse, and something you can flex if you actually hit it off and want to spend more time. But, overall have a plan that keeps this first in-person meeting, short termed with an out.
I always like to be upfront, and like to discuss this in advance. Be honest that since you just met, that there is no shame in cutting it to a defined timeframe to not waste each other’s time if there isn’t the possibility for a real connection from both sides. No reason to not be polite, but no reason to lie and lead anyone on either.
This goes both ways in the date. If either of you don’t really see the need for a second date, then don’t hang around too long at the first meeting.
Per wikiHow- Sample First Date Ideas, offers some ideas on what to do as first date ideas, like visit a park or a landmark with a group. No matter the venue, you can simply have reason to meet. I personally like the idea of meeting for a smoothie. It can be healthy or unhealthy with the appearance of being healthy. Either way, it gives you something to do with your hands.
Conversations that matter, not probe
Now that you are there, have something to talk about. It doesn’t hurt that you are up on current events for the start of the discussion, but when things turn a little more personal, be open. If you have an interest in the other person, you don’t have to be personal in depth initially.
Be prepared to ask questions that help you interpret what it might be like to be with them in other settings. Ask something like, “What is something you have always wanted to try, but haven’t done yet?” or something like “what piece of advice informed your direction in life?”
Maybe try a question that get to their desires such as “what does your ideal day include?” Give them the chance to expand and dream a little and if you get the opportunity get them to dream a little with you. As you may know, shared experiences should be in your future, as shared experiences builds a base for a partnership. Something to look back on and reference as something you did together.
So, this type of question is a pseudo replacement for a shared experience, until you actually have one together. At least it gives each of you something to talk about if you have a follow on date or even a text or phone call after.
It’s important that the conversation be interesting for both parties, so be conscious that you are not taking up all of the air in the room, but are bantering back and forth.
You don’t have to find out everything there is to know about a person at the first encounter. If there is an interest, then there is time to figure out their family desires for children, for instance, at a later date. It is a first date, keep to lighter subjects if possible.
Body Language – read the signs
While you are at it, be aware of body language. Body language can be really revealing about another person. If the person you are talking to you is leaning in, or matching or mirroring your position, this is telling that they are engaged. Are they smiling or nodding along when you speak? This two is something people do when they are interested in you.
Body language can be revealing about yourself as well. Be conscious that you are open by not crossing your arms or leaning away. Sit up straight, lean forward, make eye contact when talking. It will come naturally if you are interested. Go with the flow, there is not expectation other than having a conversation at this point. Make sure you are comfortable and be open minded, you might actually enjoy yourself if you don’t put too much pressure on the date.
If it is stuffy and difficult to hear in the place, makes sure you take this into account and take the conversation to another place, like outside where you can actually have a conversation.
Most of all, be your authentic self.
You don’t want to waste your valuable time if the date cannot go anywhere. You will know whether there is a connection for you or not. Being your authentic self gives the other person insight into what make you unique as well. Remember that you are in control of your own destiny, so if you feel there is potential there, then decide if you want to move forward and see what your date thinks. Each has choice in the matter.
Whether you decide to go on a second date or not, take some time to think about what you learned from this experience with your date.
Your game plan for success should include a post mortem. Ask yourself a series of question, or if you are so bold, recap the date with the other person.
- What was this person about? What were their positive qualities? Did they inspire you and/or attract you? What went well? Did you actually like them or do you still need more information?
- Then figure out what it was that you gave to the date. What side of yourself did you show? Did you cover anything that was related to your desires and passions? Did your date respond to what was important to you? What would you share or do differently next time?
- Next, did anything happen that felt weird or off to you? Were there any obvious red flags that would prevent you from seeing the other person again?
Decide if there is a need for a second date
The process doesn’t have to be so static, remember that you can go with the flow, but a little reflection is a good thing. You will know if there is a potential match for you or not.
Don’t forget to make your move if there is a desire. You are not sixteen anymore, shoot your shot and see where it takes you. Again, I’m talking about a second date. Although who knows, you aren’t sixteen anymore. Just be yourself, don’t lie and don’t put too much pressure on the situation.
You don’t have to decide anything on the spot either. There is time and if there is mutual interest a little time and space will allow for anticipation.
Choose you level of interest and move out or move on. No need to try to create something that isn’t there. If there is something there, what do you have to lose. A nice thank you can go a long way, even if you don’t want a second date. It is a small world after all, and you may see that person again, or you may date someone that they know. You have to be cognizant of how you leave things.
Good luck and stick to your game plan.
