I had a happy childhood in Atlanta. It’s a city where anyone can feel as if they belong, and the people are generally friendly. Atlanta has amazing food, craft beer, green spaces, festivals, and as much sweet tea and Coca-Cola that you can imagine. A southern upbringing brings certain sensibilities, and some realities.
I came from a home with a single mother who was sweet, yet tough. She owned her own beauty salon near the city’s center where she worked long hours. So, as a child I spent way too much time at the salon, and heard way too many stories and the many woes of the men in their lives. I luckily also had an involved father that I saw regularly that was wise and worldly.
I think these two parents gave me a good amount of perspective and some informed insights on women and how they think and feel as well as insight on what a man should be. Bear with me as I share one man’s opinion on life and women.
One Man’s Opinion on Life and Women at Home
Generally, and I say this lovingly, I don’t believe that most women really know what they want. I am of the belief that they think they know, but will change their mind if the right situation or a new situation arises. I’m talking about what they want from men of course. This is not to say that some Women don’t have a plan and a true understanding of who they are and what they want from a man (assuming they do) and out of life. I’m mostly speaking about the majority and a generalization. If you believe in traditional gender roles, then some of this can be explained at least in part by biology.
In traditional roles in the home, men are the leaders and women the supporters or the supportive wife, for lack of a better word or definition, who bring other talents that may or may not include the direction of the family. Okay, modern women go ahead and interject or rebel against this notion, you’re allowed.
It may also be true that I’m only talking about this traditional leadership role as that of spiritual leader in the home and not leader necessarily of everything. Although I believe being a leader as a man is truly the best form of living. It’s said that men are to be worshipers, disciples, witnesses, husbands and fathers, and leaders, providers, and protectors. It’s said that women are the keepers of tradition and the home, the foundation of the family, and the loving, caring and teacher of the children.
It is probably true for most people, both men and women, that their lives are relatively small and they don’t see the whole world or what the vast amount of options truly exist. Or more so, what is available to you and what are the possibilities in life that exist outside of your immediate surroundings and culture. Some like having the head buried in the sand and others want to know what is possible in life.
It’s my opinion that men tend to be more assertive and be the seekers of what’s possible. Men are traditionally the explorers and adventure seekers. They seek because of mere curiosity and go after what they want more commonly than their female counterparts. They are stronger physically and can achieve great things by striving and that struggle makes great strides and leads to new inventions and or achievements. Leadership is inherent in the struggle.
Modern Society has taken a Traditional Turn
It’s also okay if women don’t want to fulfil traditional roles, and want a different type or a modern relationship. It’s equally okay for men to seek out a traditional marriage and find the women that want to want a traditional relationship. Simple look for the women that fit what you are seeking. They may seem like endangered species, but they are out there.
There is a new renaissance of sort, since the COVID pandemic with the identification of the Trad Wife (traditional wife) or homemaker. On TikTok, the hashtag #tradwife has over than 97 million views, and many thousands of female users have incorporated some version of trad in their user name. Some have also disassociated themselves with the term due to connotations of being too old fashioned or more extreme like ultra conservative or worse, however.
Other options include going to church and seek tradition there. Or as an alternative, using your passports, and allowing it take you to places where these traditional women live and want this lifestyle and more traditional family roles, it could be Mexico or someplace more exotic like the pacific.
If you see that as too extreme, you can compromise and be more modern with a domestic partner with western values, but studies show that these non-traditional lives are less happy than that of traditional lives and marriage roles, and we have the divorce rates to prove it.
Life and Women in Male Dominated Work Industries
Men tend to be more of the adventurous type and women the caregivers. Just look at the jobs that men and women freely choose for themselves. It’s a free society, and we have all been taught that you can become anything that you want. Yet we still tend to choose traditional jobs overall. Yes, everyone can name the exceptions, but again I’m speaking generally.
Today’s male-dominated tech industry is the result of the field becoming more complex, and demanding of higher-skills. Which could be classified as more STEM related skills. Yes, traditional gender lines are blurring or have blurred, with positions in female-dominated fields increasingly being filled by males – and vice versa. But overall there are fewer women brick layers than modern equality might suggest.
In a 2021 Catalyst, global nonprofit that helps build workplaces that work for women, found that women fulfil the following percentages of occupations that are commonly seen as male work sectors:
- Construction – 10.8%
- Manufacturing – 29.5%
- Mining, oil, and gas extraction and quarrying – 14.5%
- Utilities and transportation – 24.1%
More specifically roles include the following percentages of women in these traditional roles:
- Civil engineers – 16%
- Computer programmers – 21.1%
- Construction managers – 8.4%
- Driving/sales workers and truck drivers- 7.8%
- Extraction workers, construction trades and first-line supervisors – 3.5%
- Mechanical engineers – 8.7%
- Software developers – 19.4%
Leadership Styles
Leadership and communications styles tend to differ between men and women. Men tend to have a more “command and control style,” according to the American Psychological Association, and Women tend to have a more cooperative, participatory style of leading.
For modern women, they say be a feminist, it will free you from the shackles of your womanhood. Well, if that were true, women would be thriving more today! I don’t mean to say that aren’t doing well financially or independently. Some are doing great, but others not so much. Instead, if you really look around, a lot of females in modern society are more tired or disgruntled than ever before. They are more single than ever before in measured society as well.
Did you grow up with a supportive mother? If you didn’t then you really missed out. Being a positive role model for children and the characteristic leader of children could very likely be the most important role in life that a woman brings to the family. There is nothing wrong with having motherly instincts and fulfilling a traditional gender role if that is something that a woman desires. Most men would probably encourage it, given the alternative of having to do it themselves.
I recently read about a study by Anne Cummings from the Wharton School, asking women executives attending a session on gender perception, to brainstorm a list of words describing female leaders. Among the comments, women described women leaders as multi-tasking, emotional, empathetic, strong, intuitive, compassionate, relationship building, verbal, consensus building, collaborative and gossipy. They described male leaders as strong, arrogant, intelligent, ego-driven, bravado, powerful, dominant, assertive, focused, competitive, stubborn, physical, self-righteous and direct. It was noted that one woman marveled at the way men are capable of having an argument at work, then go out for a beer together as if nothing had ever happened.
This supports the theory that men tend to be more task-oriented while women take on a more interpersonal style of leadership. All of these points supports my own experience and thoughts, as I have worked with several woman managers, who tend to be caring of their staff and great multitaskers, but lacked the depth when it came to details of the technical work. Again, my experience, yours may vary.
Go ahead and show a little bravado men. It’s okay. Being strong, dominant and unwavering and knowing what you want at work and at play. Showing leadership at work, helps you become a good leader at home. But, remember that your relationship isn’t work and it is personal at home. Unlike that at work, be sure to be caring and empathetic as well (the degree to this matters more at home), use that something that you learned from your mother or other females, especially if there are other women or girls in the home. Also remember, that you don’t have to win every argument, well or lose them all either. But you knew all of that already.
In Conclusion
There is nothing wrong with living within today’s modern society and picking a life and lifestyle that suits your wants and needs. Just remember you don’t have to settle for less. Find someone that respects you and shows you respect. This is what most men truly seek as we also have egos.
If you are a successful man and doing all you can to be a successful leader, with strong traditional values, you stand a better chance of getting a traditional relationship, as women biologically are attracted to assertive, successful men..
It’s okay to want a more traditional life, go ahead you deserve it. Find it however and wherever you can.
