I’ve been wanting a new relationship for a while now. I separated and then divorced my husband of 10 years after a lengthy separation. We ultimately had a big fight that ended the relationship. After the point of the big argument we had been estranged and lived separate lives.
When we finally divorced, I went into a bit of a panic mode worrying about being single and still being attractive.
I’m not old yet, but I am almost 40.
Since becoming single about two years ago, people would say: Andrea, you need to hurry up and find someone while you still have your looks. You are not getting younger, but your competition for the man you want is now younger than you. The mantra was, “don’t wait too long.”
As someone who was insecure about my looks and what I brought to a relationship, it was easy to be impacted by these comments.
After a painful separation and divorce from a 10 year relationship, I didn’t have the energy to start something new. The idea of meeting someone new was a bit terrifying to tell the truth. I just needed some time to be alone, to spend time with my family, my friends, and focus on myself. I wanted to just meditate, exercise, spend time in nature, and get to really know myself and what I had to offer a future man.
I’m glad I took the time to center myself.
I was really hurt from my past, and I didn’t want to carry it forward to my next relationship. I sort of figured that the next person deserved to get a new me. One that was not carrying a lot of emotional baggage.
It is Still a Bit of a Stigma Today, But I Went to See a Therapist
He helped me to see the way I had approached life before and how my lack of confidence was my biggest weakness. As a semi-modern woman, I was focused on getting the career intact and securing my future. Not enough focus on the betterment of my family and a healthy relationship with my partner.
From a personal standpoint, I needed to shed the people pleasing, and the passive aggressive behavior I invoked on my previous partners. It wasn’t healthy for either of us. In my last relationship, I lost respect for both of us after our big blow up.
The “I am the victim” mentality that I had before, was definitely not attractive. I didn’t want to repeat that in my next half of life and love.
Through the therapy sessions and much inner reflection, I gained an abundance of confidence, joy, inner strength, human compassion and self-love. Which are traits that are attractive.
I Also Went Back to the Gym and Worked on My Health
Yoga was an eye opener for me, it fed my new found confidence and made me more centered on the reality of my life, my potential love life, my health and my future. It brought the additional confidence that I need to tackle the dating world. I’m sure of it.
I cannot lie, father time has been playing a little havoc on my skin and hair and there are telltale signs that I am not 20 anymore. But I guess I cannot win them all here.
I feel healthier now in mind, spirit and outlook than I did 10 plus years ago.
Oh, and my body is better than ever. I have the body of a younger woman, maybe better that when I was young actually! That new little black dress I bought is sure to hit it out of the park. I know it may sound a bit arrogant, but I need this to tackle what is potentially ahead.
I’m No Longer Going to Try to Force Toxic Relationships to Work or Keep Them
I understand that toxic relationships are not only with other people, but I was part of them. Either I fed it or led it. Not totally sure, but I was the common denominator in them. I realized that they weren’t only with the men in my life, but with some girlfriends as well. I had to walk away from a lifelong friendship because I just got negative when dealing with her.
I want to be sure that I only focus on what is good for me going forward.
I have just begun to look for a new beau. But I want to do it smarter and not absentmindedly scrolling on the dating sites.
I am starting by understanding and focusing on the type of man that I want. My therapist helped me to get into the mindset of the type of man that I want. I want to meet his energy or bring him up to mine if possible and support his life and interests. I know this may not sound like a semi-modern woman, but I feel this the natural order of nature follows this path. I’m realistic about who I am and what is necessary to build the type of partnership that I want.
I am willing to do what it takes to build a better relationship and long term future. I just hope that he finds me as attractive as I feel in my heart.
I am also no longer panicking. And that’s attractive, right?
Am I too old to be attractive? I’m positive about my future, and think that will bring me success!
Wish me luck!
