Dating in Your 30s – My Dating Marketplace Evaluation
By Evan James
Dating in your 30s is an open market that is filled with good people, broken people, and one that has happy and sad people. It has people that take care of themselves and ones that do not. People also have baggage, no doubt.
Talking about how bad it is, makes for good talking points in order to get clicks and to relate to a lot of people, but this not that story. A bad story and outcome, is not a true for everyone and in particular for you if you are willing and able.
That is where this story is focused – on the positive aspects of the dating marketplace and where the right approach might take you. This is my dating marketplace evaluation for dating in your 30s.
It Starts with the Right Attitude
To me, it is only the people with the right attitude, a good moral compass, and those operating with good intent that actually succeed in this market. When I’m speaking about the market, of course, I am speaking about the “sexual marketplace,” which is how one is ultimately judged.
There is positive news, and potentially lots of it. But do you understand the landscape and the market?
Many are now awakening to the realities of the dating market. If you have been married, or are currently married, then you probably don’t understand the landscape today and what that means. Not a judgement on you, it is you just haven’t walked the walk in the current atmosphere. If you are new to it, strap in.
How to Fit in the Dating Marketplace
Today, if you want a relationship, you have to get in where you fit in. You have to understand your value, and how your desired gender or person, desires and values you. It’s a war… or at least a few battles behind the scenes that most people are aware is actually occurring.
When a man has his mind right, his body right and his money right, he is ready to move. He has a positive understanding of self and his business, and the right attitude. He is in the right mindset to tackle the marketplace. He is then prepared to couple with the right partner, have a family and build a legacy.
When a woman has her mind right, her body right and her attitude right, she suddenly finds herself in high demand. She is positively in line with her best self and has herself in line with her desired outcomes.
The dating marketplace is what it is. Your value is what it is, in it. You have to make yourself the best self you can be, to lead or succeed in this sexual marketplace, and to standout in this dating market. It is a battle or a competition between you and others vying for the person you want. It’s a competitive marketplace.
The sexual marketplace judges men by their success or career trajectory, their level of discipline, their confidence, their looks, their intelligence and their assertiveness among other things. It judges women by their looks or beauty, their femininity, their body and style, and their appealing character and supportive, caring and inspirational attitude among other values and characteristics.
Again, the dating marketplace is what it is; it doesn’t lie. The dating marketplace and how well you perform in it, is the judge and jury. It, not you, is what determines your ability to find and attract the right partner. You are representative of your place in the market. How others react to you is your value.
Maybe you have to do something, or do what you can, to raise your value in the market.
Who is taking care of themselves, looking good, and doing the right thing or things to be successful?
So, generally it is a game of understanding sexuality and sensuality for the ladies, or a game of success, power and assertiveness for the men. It is not the same for everyone for sure, but we are animalistic when it comes to picking a mate. And this doesn’t change when dating in your 30s.
Working at it is important now. You are not in your 20s anymore. It doesn’t come easier because you are now older. You have to ask yourself, are you getting better or just older?
The available market for a mate is actually more competitive for the best available talent. It is harder to stay in shape now in your 30s, as it takes time. Time, which is being demanded by others or by your work or the many other things going on. It becomes a matter of prioritization.
How do you rate for potential mates?
When searching for a mate, it is no longer the perfect person, perfect love or the perfect fit, that fairytale died with your youth. You should focus on what is the best fit for you, what gets you the family you want or the future comfort and support you need.
Both men and women have always had to settle at some level, as nobody is perfect. No situation is perfect. If you are unable to settle, or unable to compromise, you will not be successful. You may need a change in mindset. Who truly is your best fit?
You must focus on understanding one’s value, and give it an honest opinion. Maybe you need to seek out other opinions of you. Talk with your exes or the opposite gender that you respect to see how they see you. Ask your parents, if they are good role models, how they did it.
Again, are you taking care of yourself and your looks, your fitness? Is that enough, only time will tell for your particular situation. You may also have to ask yourself – Are you making a difference? Are you doing what is necessary to standout in the crowd, or are you just fitting in?
You should come with the attitude that you have to stand out in a crowd, and be the one that is desired. Give it some effort. I’m sure you know how to do this. You probably worked at your profession, you studied for it. Maybe you are still learning and striving. You worked at building a career and the knowledge it requires. You have a boss you have to please after all. You know what it takes, so take it seriously. It requires a little effort.
So, not only are you taking care of yourself, but maybe you need to have the capacity to empathize and help others. Understand what the one you want, or type of person you want, wants for themselves.
Where do you rank and what type of lifestyle do you desire?
You can over or under evaluate your situation. Some are more blessed by the creator than others. But, you can also raise your evaluation level in the eyes of the intended beholder, if you put in the effort. Don’t overshoot and wind up alone, however.
Know yourself, and do not only shoot for the unachievable. Check your hypergamy at the door. Check your confidence as well.
There are some physical things you cannot overcome, but you can’t let that necessarily limit you. You can’t change your height for instance (without some crazy leg extension surgery), but you can work on your body, your mind, and your passion, or your charm and personality. You have to accentuate and enhance the areas that you can accentuate, and minimize the things you cannot change.
Again, take an honest measure of yourself and see what you can do to raise your value, maybe learn something in the process:
- Are you a good speaker? Maybe take a speech class or join toastmasters and practice public speaking. This not only helps your communications, but also builds confidence.
- Are you graceful? Maybe take an etiquette class, yoga class or a ballet class. This could also include looking at how you could navigate the world better and improve your outlook on it.
- Are you kind and empathetic? Maybe do some charity work or volunteer at a shelter or nursing home. There is a lot to be gained or learned by giving back.
- Are you religious or spiritual? There is room to base your values and character in something bigger than yourself.
- Find your own area that you believe needs work and spend some time, money or effort and improve the situation. This is specific to you and your situation. Focus on your realized or perceived shortcomings. They may be real or not, but either way it will improve your attitude and confidence if you overcome something that bothers you.
Your future lifestyle could depend on a lot of factors, so be sure to balance your true needs vs. your desires and/or unrealistic desires. Find a balance in yourself and it brings balance to others.
In conclusion, the market and dating in your 30s is what you make of it. The dating marketplace is self-leveling and you get out of it, what you put into yourself. Be the driver of your own destination.
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