It’s Crazy Out There – Dating in your 40s
By B. Mystery
It’s crazy out there, maybe it’s me, and maybe it’s them. Okay, for sure it is… them! 🙂
It is pretty easy to lay blame on others if you are single, wanting a relationship and not having much success. It is always what is wrong with other people, right? It’s crazy out there, or those bitches are crazy!
Okay, in reality it could also be me. I’m far from perfect.
I am friendly and easy to get along with, not bad looking, honestly 5’ 10” tall, and have an active lifestyle playing sports and going out. I’m not terribly aggressive, but for the people who know me, I’m outgoing, hardworking, positive spirited, caring and in decent shape for a man my age.
As a single man in his forties who has never been married, I believe that I am a little out of the norm though. Most people my age are married or at least have been married. I had my chance once before, but we both came to the realization that it probably wouldn’t be a happy life for us both.
Here is my experience as of late- dating in your 40s.
I get that I am not extraordinary as I am a simple IT engineer with a small circle of friends. But in this modern world, if you are not a 6’5” Greek god with an amazing career, you are not seen by most women. You simply barely exist on dating apps. Yep, it’s crazy out there.
This past summer I met three different women online. Here’s how they went:
A dinner date with Janette
First I went out with Janette, a short, but pretty-faced 42 year old mother of three children. She was slightly overweight and had obvious signs that she was in her forties and looked older than her pictures suggested. From her profile I was excited to meet her, and was left with the impression that she would be happy go lucky. In reality she was a little jaded and preoccupied. Maybe I should have anticipated this.
I asked her out to dinner at a Paddies Steak House, a favorite of mine that was actually closer to her than it was to me. She showed up about ten minutes late, which is excusable for sure as the city is a busy place. But she wasn’t in the slightest apologetic for not letting me know or actually being late. I didn’t care about this at the time, but it was indicative of her attitude towards the date.
Shortly after she sat down, her phone rang and she held up one finger to me while I was speaking as she answered the phone. She didn’t say sorry before or after, but had just expected that I would accept this treatment. She proceeded to talk on the phone for a few minutes before she probably realized that it was rude and told the other person she had to go. She never explained who it was or apologized for the interruption.
Okay there are emergencies, but this clearly wasn’t one. She just proceeded to start a different conversation about her work and what she does for a living, like there wasn’t a conversation before the call.
Thankfully the food arrived and I was at least able to have a good meal while I waited for her to stop talking about herself and what was wrong with the world. How bad people were and how much terrible people were out there for her to encounter and get “pissed off” about.
Maybe she was having a bad day, week or year, but she never relented the conversation until I finally interrupted her and thanked her for her time. I had finished my meal, so I paid the bill, said good night and left. Less than an hour and I had recouped my evening. Success? Not really, but the food was great. This is today’s dating in your 40s
Drinks with Shelly
I have to admit I was excited to meet Shelly in person after the conversation we had online. There was some interesting banter, where she really showed me that she was intelligent as well as pretty.
When we met, I was happily surprised. She easily met my expectations in both looks and personality. Shelly was warm and inviting and very funny. She had a way about her that made me smile. Her wit and good looks really made me wonder why she was single.
She has one daughter that just graduated high school and she was looking towards sending her off to college at the end of summer.
The date was really great. We both had a good time, conversing and bantering back and forth for most of the night. We had met for dinner, yep at my favorite steak place, then went on to a bar nearby to watch a live band playing.
We had to sit near the back so we could hear each other, but also hit the dance floor a few times and got to show off our dance moves. She knew what she was doing and made me feel like I was an amateur. Which I truly am.
She looked great and we really had some chemistry together. We got close to each other and really enjoyed each other’s company.
At the end of the night I walked her to her car, and we spent a moment having a great kiss.
I asked her out again and the next week met on a Saturday for to walk around an outdoor arts festival. We spent a big portion of the day just walking and talking, and then hit up a restaurant nearby for a late lunch/early dinner. This day led to more dates and us becoming closely acquainted for the next several weeks.
We dated and meetup a few times throughout the summer, but found distance between us as she had vacations with her daughter, her family and girlfriend that didn’t line up with my vacation plans with my family and work obligations. Since we had mostly kept it light and not considered it exclusive I didn’t feel too bad about us not meeting again at the end of summer.
I am considering what the fall or winter might look like if we are both still available. There might be something there after all. Please stand by.
Met with Marny
I met Marny online as well and I thought she was very pretty, tall and seemed friendly, but did seem a bit flakey. I thought she was beautiful but Marny lived a distance from me, like 70 miles away. So we chatted a few times and didn’t ask her out. I thought if it worked out, it would be a long distance relationship from the onset. It was weeks later that she reached out to me and we chatted again, and we decided to meet. I think the little head was leading the big head in wanting to see her in person.
She recently moved about 60 miles out of town the other way from me. She had an overwhelming desire to have her own house away from the hustle and bustle. She was openly angry about the traffic and being too close to people. She was kind of a country girl at heart, so I understood her wanting to have some property and to get out of the big city.
Since we lived so far apart, we agreed to meet halfway about 35 mile drive for each of us. I made it on time, but she texted to say that she was running late, and was stuck in traffic. She arrived and was a little flustered, complaining about being cutoff, etc., but she largely apologetic. I could understand her frustration.
I got us a table and we sat down and ordered drinks. She didn’t normally drink but I could tell she needed one. She eventually settled in, and started telling me about herself. She didn’t have any kids and had just finalized her divorce. She liked hunting and shooting, driving ATVs and going four wheeling.
She was pretty and about six foot tall, long dark hair and a killer body with nice assets. I didn’t realize before this just how much she liked herself and how much of a bombshell she thought she was. For some she probably was just that.
For me her arrogance and hubris was a bit of a turnoff and took her from a 9-10 to about an 8. Still pretty hot and probably a real bombshell. She even stood up, stepped away from the table and gave a twirl so I could see her body. I was impressed with how she looked but not how much she thought of herself. Still pretty to look at. I just don’t think she got the reaction from me that she was looking for.
We talked quite a bit about what we were each looking for and realized that we were totally looking for different things, different lifestyles and different people. So unfortunately we had a quick dinner and we ended the date with a hug. When I got home I was going to contact her just to thank her for meeting with me, but she had already unmatched with me on the dating app. Not a love connection this time.
In Conclusion
For the dating scene this last summer, I was one for three. Not big numbers or a lot of success from the quantity perspective, well really the quality perspective either beyond the looks department. I didn’t meet a lot of women or did I particularly meet with a lot of what I would consider quality.
Well, with Shelly at least I thought I found something great, so the numbers don’t really matter I guess.
I’m going to follow up with her. Wish me luck.
**********
Dating Refinery’s Blogs, Articles and Diaries are meant to reflect an individual’s experience and do not necessarily reflect Dating Refinery’s point of view. Dating Refinery in no way encourages illegal activity or harmful behavior.
We hope you enjoyed this episode!
The first step to getting your life in order might just be sharing your thoughts, feelings and experiences with us — to try on your own, check out our blogs and discovery sections. For more information and stories, click here.
Do you have a Dating Diary you’d like to share? Submit it with us here.
Do you have a Video you’d like to share? Submit it with us here.
Have questions about how to submit or our publishing process? Email us here.
