This is a section from The Man’s Point of View (POV). In this section expect to see different commentaries and series that address life and love from the perspective of men.
In this installment entitled “She Asked, He Answered,” are the following leading and lingering question for which she just wants to know and cannot always get an honest answer:
- What is the number one factor for relationship success?
- What he’s honestly thinking about you in bed?
- What is the reason for wanting to commit?
- What is the real reason men fall out of love?
- What makes a man want you in bed?
- In your opinion, what is the top 3 honest reasons why men break up?
- What do men think during a breakup?
- What are the unattractive behaviors that make him want to leave a relationship?
Remember, this is just one man’s opinion – from a Hetero Man’s Point of View (POV) (i.e., No need to criticize)
In this post, meet James, a 42-year-old divorced white male (DWM), successful professional marketer from the DMV (i.e., the Washington DC Maryland Virginia metro region). James is six ft. tall /180 lbs, athletic and likes to play squash, tennis and read in his free time.
Questions:
- She asked: What is the number one factor for relationship success?
He answered: Everyone defines success differently when it comes to relationships. Success to some might include wealth built together to a high level in order to provide for safety and stability in order to provide a comfortable life together or even the power couple mentality, while others might consider a relationship successful if children are born into a loving home based upon a set of religious values.
For me I would assume that this means a happy, well-functioning (clear, easily definable roles), easy-going, low stress, caring, loving relationship between two people. But number one is having or showing respect for your significant other and then doing something, maybe even a small gesture for the other person that you matter in the world. I don’t know, make them coffee in the morning or a sandwich once a week, maybe wash their car for them, really just doing one thing fairly regularly that makes them feel good.
- She asked: What he’s honestly thinking about you in bed?
Hopefully he is thinking about you. He is probably not focused on his feelings at this point in time, he still cares for you, but this is his and probably your animal side surfacing. Don’t overthink it, if you are both comfortable with each other, and willing to share, then all is well. I assume that this encounter is part of a relationship and not something seedy so he is just wanting everyone to have a good time, nothing more.
Afterwards is probably what you are interested in knowing about, but that is certainly situational depending upon your individual relationship.
- She asked: What is the reason for wanting to commit?
Some level of commitment is what God intended. HE shows through nature that it is natural for couples to form, from the penguin to the human. No, not together, I didn’t mean that. To each his/their own, but I cannot condone bestiality. It is also a social norm for people to couple up and have some level of commitment. This is a comfortable place for most men, to know that they are cared for and respected, but also it is culturally excepted.
As one becomes more professional and successful, their relationship status becomes more solid. Fewer divorces occur in the most successful couples. It is expected at higher levels of Management within many organizations to both be stable and to show stability.
Many relationships also form based upon the desire for family, and for men this can also be the desire to provide a legacy, an heir or two/three/etc., and to carry on the family name. We build fire, and make tiny humans. Can’t hide our nature here either.
- She asked: What is the real reason men fall out of love?
There is a Green day song lyric that goes something like … I went to “see someone,” who said my life’s a bore, it’s the lack of sex that’s bring ‘in me down…
Men are physical creatures, and a lot simpler than women anticipate. Get out of your head and give us credit for keeping it simple, we are still cavemen or simply members of the animal kingdom after all.
“They” say that a woman loves her child once she becomes pregnant, but a man doesn’t love his child until he holds the child for the first time. I think this physical act and touch is the thing that we sense and react to.
The author of men are from Mars and Women are from Venus states that men fall in love through sex, so without that intimacy love probably won’t happen and can be lost. Conversely, he says women tend to fall in love through feeling protected and safe. It is the difference between Testosterone and Estrogen. Men gain Testosterone through being the provider, protector and doing things in that vein, while Women gain estrogen by submitting or being submissive. Wow, I’ll bet I get some comments about that. Again, I think we are still animals after all.
- She asked: What makes a man want you in bed?
What gets our engine revving? He has his own desires already, and it doesn’t usually take too much.
Successful playtime is, for me, a good give and take. It has been my experience that woman are surprised that men are giving, and want you to enjoy yourself as well, it’s not solely a desire only for us.
What gets him going is usually tied to why he was attracted to you in the first place. What is that one thing, besides just excitement and desire that another person can bring, maybe a particular body part. Maybe he is a leg man, maybe an ass man (not Cosmo Kramer-if you get the Seinfeld, Fusilli Jerry episode), or a breast man (trying to keep it clean), or something else that he has been thinking about and maybe you have been flaunting and teasing him with…
Pumping up his ego and some flirting goes a long way to influencing our animalistic side.
- She asked:In your opinion, what is the top 3 honest reasons why men break up?
Again, men as visual creatures might just be on the lookout for:
- Greener pastures– other opportunities, different types, different or maybe even additional numbers (body count) especially if he is a young man trying to gain experience. As a general rule, men have less opportunity than women do to actually have sex. Generally, Women get hit on regularly and feel they have to at least pretend to play hard to get, and men have to do the hunting and the overt gestures to try to get s&#. Men are also seen as more attractive being more experienced in life, worldly understanding, in business, and of course s&#. They are more respected and responded to if they are confident which stems from their past experiences or expertise. So, if a man has a desire to be with a certain type and is not fully committed he may be swayed by a new opportunity based purely upon availability or opportunity.
- That one type or fantasy type– looked a certain way, acted a certain way, certain attitude or level of confidence. Maybe someone that is sexier, and has a particular look. She may be classier and more elegant, more stylish or trashier and less of the aforementioned, have better physical assets, or is motherlier or naturally happy and energetic.
- Not serious, not treated right, or looking for a better fit overall with less stress or low drama. They may have found their way into a relationship with someone that they are not truly serious about. Their current partner may not fit all of their boxes based upon how they have grown or now that they have grown or matured over time. They could now want a family and their partner doesn’t or vice versa. Who you desire sexually, may not be the person you see as the mother of your children. Hopefully your partner can fulfill both ideals. As a man it can be easy to start something casually and find yourself ultimately in a relationship you weren’t expecting that doesn’t have the right foundation since you weren’t looking for the characteristics for a relationship person when you started. You weren’t thinking with your big head when you started out. Men are not always dating with a purpose or not purpose that has substance.
- If I were to pick a fourth reason, I would say he just wants his freedom and not to be tied down with all of the pressures of providing for a person or a family. Being able to do what you want, when or how you want can be attractive to someone who has been in a relationship with someone that isn’t the right fit across the board. Want to grab a drink with a friend or hit the links for a weekend trip, just go do it… the lone wolf wants his freedom.
7. She asked: What do men think during a breakup?
That kind of depends upon who did the breaking up or what the situation was surrounding the breakup. But to take it in a general sense, he is just trying to move on, compartmentalize and put his feelings aside. No time to wallow, man up and get on with it already… Can’t be bogged down with all of those feelings, can we? He just wants a fresh start. Some are better at this than others, and can dive into that project that they have been wanting to tackle.
- She asked: What are the unattractive behaviors that make him want to leave a relationship?
First off, different people have different interests in a mate, but there are a few things that makes one attractive to the opposite sex.
Confidence is an attractive characteristic in both sexes. Therefore, a lack of confidence or something that leads to a state of unwarranted jealousy because of insecurities is off-putting.
Second, is act your age? If you are over thirty and suddenly dressing like a teenager or suddenly show up with purple hair, that doesn’t work for me in a relationship. You also can have the opposite, and have to ask yourself, is she going to turn into her mother now or later in life?
Lastly, we all would agree that insulting or overstepping is a nonstarter, but inconsistent behavior, can be off-putting as well. Keep it regulated and check some of your emotions. Remember that men don’t always know how they feel about something. I had heard that men react differently than women, as part of their reaction to an event. Women tend to react, then know how they feel about it before rationalizing how it affects them or others. Men on the other had have different order. React, rationalize how it impacts them or others, and then figure out how they feel about it. Should I be mad or unhappy?
