Today’s dating environment for people in their 20s, is nothing like that of our predecessors, and for various reasons. Well, maybe the 30 year olds can totally relate? As a generation of people, we are growing up more slowly and have more choices than ever before in history.
Serious dating, if one can call it that, involves swiping right or left on various dating sites as a way of communicating with an audience that has their noses buried in their phone screens. Social media is the end all be all? It may be the only true weapon in our arsenal today and we have to use it effectively. The 20s dating scene is troublesome to say the least.
Communication is lacking
Real, straightforward communication is lacking. It’s kind of a mixture of bad dates and terrible dating app conversations that start with a “Hey,” or worse, and then don’t really go anywhere.
So, you want off the dating apps, and to meet IRL. It may be great, but you may not find that person that is looking for more than entertainment, or to stave off boredom. Meeting someone in-person, used to be the way of the world when there was an interest in coupling up.
Who wants to hang out with a group, or your group of friends? Sometimes that is great, but it lacks a real understand of where you stand in contrast to the one you are interested in. It is hard to comprehend what is happening in his mind. Living in this new reality has him seeking friends, and not clearly that of a girlfriend or future spouse (heaven forbid).
Most college students aren’t really thinking about marriage, but if you are beyond school and moving forward with life you might be. I reiterate, might be. A lifelong relationship with one person, how does that work? It is a little hard for us to understand and relate to this totally. For the majority, the 20s generation isn’t dating with a purpose.
Neither side (assuming hetero relationships here) are in that frame of mind, with some possible exceptions of course. In reality, this is true regardless of gender or sexual orientation.
Meeting someone in person is almost unheard of, unless they are in your current friend pool. Guys don’t approach random women that they find attractive for dating, in public today. I can’t say I blame them, as this is the culture of the day. Meet ups or other artificial meeting events may not get you the true connection you desire, and since these tend to be Happy Hour or drinking events, they merely feel like hook up planning. Something like an intramural and co-ed sports team is a better way than a mere Happy Hour.
Clear signals don’t exist either. Texting, snaps, and insta, are the way of the world for us. Clear, unambiguous communication doesn’t happen in a way that makes it clear of any intentions. Directly asking someone’s intentions (which is paramount to being too clingy), is a party foul, and you might as well be signing yourself up to be blacklisted by a whole generation.
We all feel like we have time
Why get serious today, there is time right?
We have two options, to wait for the perfect situation or to keep it casual. We date around, conducting relationship research and experiencing good times, and be at risk of ending up as a temporary parking lot for their D. It is not a bad thing to be a little choosy and keep some virtue.
App fatigue is also a real thing, having the same conversation or sharing your information one more time is exhausting. Don’t try too hard to make it work through your electronics, remember this is just an introduction, and keep it short with the intention of communicating in person as soon as possible.
If it doesn’t work in a short time with that one, well maybe it’s just the timing isn’t right, and maybe in the future it will. Just don’t get too hung up on making communications work through the app and don’t be in so much of a hurry. If they like you, they will let you know.
It’s a balancing act between potentially passing on a good thing and playing the field for a greener pasture. Don’t always be so ready to look past what is in front of you. Great chances don’t come around every day.
Ready yet?
You may have a stable job now, and you are focused on turning that job into a career. It takes time, and so does finding the right one. You may find yourself attracted to that slightly older guy who is already established. This is good for the females, but potentially troublesome for your 20s male counterparts.
Netflix and Chill is not for everyone. You have to get out there, as you can’t merely wait around for someone to love you. It is okay to make mistakes, and date the wrong person, it will happen. Just dust yourself off and start over. Chances are when the right person comes along, you will know it, trust your intuition, and surprise, they may suddenly click into place for you.
A good partner may think it is worth spending the time and money in dating you.
Understand that dating is expensive. There are free events out there like music events, museums or festivals. You have to understand that the guys you date may deserve a break from you in the cost department, while dating. For the guys, it’s expensive to date, as it is still considered acceptable for the guy to pay for the first date. Well, that is if it is clear that it is a date. We are “modern,” but not for everything, after all.
They say that love is a game of numbers, and a set of chances and coincidences. When you stop looking so hard, that is when it comes along. When you are nearing your best and happiest because you are caring for yourself and taking time for yourself, it puts you in the right frame of mind.
Don’t be so fixed on a checklist of wants or requirements for your potential mate. What you find may surprise you and everything you have been planning may be thrown out the window. The best part of love are the quiet moments spent just between the two of you that nobody else knows about or can share in.
Romance isn’t dead, you can find it with the right person. Just be patient and put yourself out there.
And when you find it, always remember, don’t spend too much effort comparing your relationship with someone else’s. They are all different.
