You’re a man and the last thing you need it is to read some feelings-based, wishy-washy breakup advice from a woman. Right? I get it. You’re a man after all, not a weak minded mamby-pamby who needs to share his feelings and cry.
Actually, it’s okay if you want to let out some emotions. You’re allowed.
Nobody is judging you if you do, but you’re still a man, so do it in private. Give yourself the permission to feel some feelings, but keep it in check.
How to Get over a Breakup
Okay, how? Well, it is simple… it takes time. Everybody knows this already.
Maybe it isn’t simple, but simplicity is best for a man. You know this already also. Keep it simple and logical. Find some logic if there is any to be had from the failed relationship, or why she left if this is the case. Consider the red pill over the blue pill, and if you don’t know what that is men, look it up.
There are other elements, sure, that help get over a breakup, like: 1. find a venue to share your thoughts and feelings, 2. getting real with yourself, 3. rationalizing that the situation probably wasn’t right after all, 4. distancing yourself from the relationship, 5. get out of the house and-try something different and go different places, and then 6. stop feeling powerless and work on your self-image and self-esteem, 7. at some point simply man up.
That all may be easy to say but hard to put into practice at this point for you. But remember, people do acquiesce to their situation and time heals all.
Speak with Someone
Sure, you may feel an intense sadness, growing anger, some confusion, maybe feelings of failure, emotional numbness, self-doubt and a sense of loss. These are real thoughts and patterns.
It isn’t a weakness to find someone to share your thoughts and feelings with. I’ll say it again, it’s not weakness to just talk with someone and at this time. As a man, preferably find a man to speak with. Men tend to use logic first and emotion after some rationalization. Either way, find a man or a woman, who can operate as a third party that isn’t tied to the emotion of the breakup. A non-emotional third party is the right venue for your support.
There are great therapist out there (yes well trained men and women) that can quickly help you rationalize your heartbreak- yep it is a real thing. An extra emphasis for anyone experiencing a significant decline in daily functions: like not eating or sleeping, missing or struggling at work, a major change in mood or personality, or having intrusive or suicidal thoughts, should seek a professional.
Some men, especially those that were married for a long time, heavily experience real issues centered on the feeling of loss. Physiological and neurochemical changes are normal during this time, so don’t be hard on yourself. Try a therapist database like goodtherapy.org or psychology today if you don’t have a therapist, qualified family member or religious leader to confide in. .
The Blame Game
Don’t blame yourself, keep busy, take it easy on the drinking. It’s easy to point fingers, she did this, then she did this. You are probably clear also on what you did or didn’t do. The blame game doesn’t solve anything.
Maybe you got screwed. Okay it happened. When you get down to it, it really doesn’t matter. It feels good to vent, just don’t overdo it. You will find a way to persevere. So focus on your self-esteem and understand what you have to offer the world.
Don’t be afraid to be emotional- now more than ever it is okay- but temper it with your audiences- you are still a man.
The One
At this time, it is important to understand who you are and what you’re about, and to cut ties with your ex. Don’t keep tabs on your ex or hook up with them. This doesn’t help unless there is a good chance that this relationship isn’t truly over. Don’t try to win her back. You don’t need to try if it is right.
Also, her actions from this point forward have no reflection on you. If she is acting out, that is on her. If you are acting out, it is on you.
A lot of men suffer from a scarcity mindset that, the one person for you is the only person for you.
Most important – understand that the one-ist attitude is more tied to men.
What do you mean by one –ist? We mean, being stuck on that one individual as if they were the only person in the world for you. You may have really loved her, and it may have really been mutual. But it is finished. And nobody is perfect and there is always some give and take in a relationship.
Did you actively tolerate bad behavior from her (disrespect or flagrant disrespect, stealing, infidelity, lying, manipulations, etc.)? If you find yourself saying yes to theses, you probably have one-itis. It doesn’t have to be experienced throughout your relationship; it could have been at the end if you were being rejected. Did you go above and beyond to make her feel special without a reciprocal amount of effort?
Either way, a relationship requires a balanced level of give and take. Lose the On-itis mindset.
That give and take was required while you were developing your past relationship together. You can find it again elsewhere with a little give and take. There are a lot of proverbial fish in the sea. You might be surprised that you are seen as a catch by a nice lady who needs a good man.
It should be mentioned that Women typically move on or seem to more quickly after a breakup, if they are the ones doing the breaking up. Why is this, you may ask? Because most women don’t leave unless they have the next thing, i.e., the next relationship, already set up or at least in the pipeline.
In contrast, after a breakup, guys from long term relationships tend to have a harder time moving on. When they do, they tend to seek as many short-term romantic interactions as they can. So, understand that it isn’t a competition, you are already broken up, and she doesn’t matter.
Let’s Move Forward
Rebuild your self-esteem and focus on your positive qualities. Later in life there are more single women then there are single men. The scales tips a bit in your favor. Sure, there are women out there sleeping around with multiple partners, as women control who has sex. But men are the ones who control relationships.
Avoid just finding a rebound. There’s a reason why they’re a cliché: rebounds offer a quick boost that’ll make you feel wanted or worthwhile, but this is temporary. It’s okay to have casual sex, but do it respectfully and honestly. Find a good woman who isn’t sleeping with every Tom, Dick and Harry, and be in control of the relationship.
The biggest pieces of advice are to learn from you past relationship and why it failed, to reconnect with the things that make you happy and to better yourself to boost your self-image. Maybe it was you after all? Maybe it was her, but either way, learn from it and forgive yourself.
Reconnect with the things that make you happy in your life or find a new hobby. It could be a simple thing like listening to music or going to a live music event. You can go anywhere at any time now after all. Take the time to reward yourself. Reward yourself with what makes you happy like good food, or a trip to see family, or learn something completely new.
Better yourself and embrace your own uniqueness. Don’t lose sight of the fact that you’re still you.
Take some time to recalibrate and figure out what your next life looks like. Self-improvement is all about making active decisions. So break out of your norm, set goals for yourself, and practice positive thinking.
Making a better you, or a perceived (by you) better you, will give you the confidence to move on and maybe or probably in a better way that you did in the past. Not only does it help you gain the confidence you need, but it can truly improve your quality of life.
Let go of that anger and resentment and be positive about your future.
Okay now get out there already!
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