I had an ordinary life: breakfast, work, gym, dinner and out with girlfriends on weekends. I thought at this point in life I would have had a point to life… a purpose, a spouse, a family…
I wanted to know, how do I change things? What was missing in me or in the men around me that left me feeling so empty.
Where was my Prince Charming that was promised by all of those stories that we were told as children and as a young lady? Was I dating with a purpose?
I started to ask the questions, at least to myself at first.
Are you dating with a purpose?
Seeking Answers
I was looking for answers. I realized that I really didn’t know how to move life along. I was looking for answers and was surprised what I found out.
One day I asked my Grandmother, Jillian, how she met my Grandfather. She explained that they had met one day in the park and it was instant. From that day it was set in stone. I asked, “How it was instant?” “How was it set in stone?” She said that it was a different time. She told me that they courted, dated with intention, and had met with a purpose and started dating with a purpose. That purpose was getting married!
She was emphatic that people should learn the lessons of past (yesteryear), and that they were unhappy today because they forgot what it means to meet someone the right way, with the purpose of getting married and having a family. They are waiting too long, and played the field too much. Woman today desire a high level of romance and want to be fulfilled in every way.
Investigating the Purpose
A friend of mine turned me on to a YouTube video with a central theme from a man’s perspective that asked questions such as: What do the men you want, want for themselves? Are you ready to be a wife? Do you have the skills already to be a wife? Are you ready to fulfil your purpose?
I thought to myself, I wish that I knew the answers to those questions… But How Do I Find Out?
So, I went back to my Grandmother, Jillian, and asked her.
She told me that men are much simpler than women give them credit for. Women tend to be more complicated and so we think that men are as well.
“So what do they want?” I asked.
She said, “When a man is looking for a wife, if you pay attention, he will let you know. He is actually interviewing you. When a man is on his purpose, he gets to the point and asks the questions that will fulfil his needs.” She said that he is looking for a helpmate, a support system, a good woman with values and someone with the potential to rear his children, whether he knows it or not.
She also said, “If you meet his criteria, and he knows what he wants, he will lock you down, and take you off of the market.” “Men want a return on investment, if they invest time in you, they want something in return. She explained that it’s a transaction as well as an attraction. They want to be supported, they want to be inspired and respected by you.”
She also said, “If you can provide these things, men will see you in a different light.”
Well, I said, “That is so 1950s…”
Then she said something that was very profound, somethings I hadn’t heard before.
Jillian said, “Men aren’t the ones who have changed. Men didn’t seek liberation, men are still hunters and still want tradition. Traditional families and relationships. They are hardwired to be providers, protectors and like little boys, they want to be loved by the woman closest to them.”
Approval from the right woman, is more than enough, and it can mean more to them than the approval of every man in their life combined short of their father and grandfather.
Charting the Path Forward
I started spending more and more time with my Grandmother, who turns out was very wise and truly understood the ways of the world and in particular relationships between men and women. She spewed so many words of wisdom I wanted to share them.
She said, “Today, women have made it more complicated than it needs to be. You have won in your careers, but you might just realize that you won the wrong race.”
She also said, “You need the bond, in order to have the balance required in your life.”
It turns out that a lot of women today date more than one man at a time out of fear of missing out. Or they are trying so hard, seeking the best possible outcome, with the highest value man they can capture. They may be missing the right guy that they can build a lifetime with. It’s important to find one good solid relationship and have something to build upon.
She said “You can still find a good man if you are paying attention.” Men with the right intentions do exist, and you have to be ready when you encounter them. You must be willing to compromise and understand a woman’s true nature.
She said, “Let them be hunters, but give them a clear path.” When you do find a good man, it’s important to Send Choosing Signals, a clear signal of interest.
Men are gun-shy today. They have been bombarded by feminist views and the ‘me too’ movement. They are afraid of being labeled toxic for acting within their normal nature.
She said, “You have to show up where the men are at. Not with a crowd of ladies around you, but by yourself. Be a little vulnerable.”
It is hard to picture, but men can smell a feminine woman from a mile away. The most feminine women are the most married, and have the most children.
She said, “Don’t be afraid to drop your proverbial handkerchief for men to pick up. He wants to do it.” “You will like when he does it for you out of respect and love later in life, I guarantee that.”
Don’t be afraid to be a little vulnerable. Women gain estrogen by being a little submissive.
On the Path
I never realized the amount of life lessons the older generation can teach us younger people, and women in general.
I want to leave you with a final thought. Dating with a purpose starts with a conversation. One with yourself and then one with a perspective mate. One that sets some clear intentions. One that is honest about your abilities, your character, and your values, but also sets some clear promises for a life with happiness, trust, and love.
Thanks to my Grandmother Jillian I have a better understand of what I want in particular. I’m now dating with a purpose and have a good man who is on the same page with me. I have a clear hope for a life with a lot of love and a family of my own.
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