Girl Code 101
By: Venus
If you read my blog “I Don’t Want A Commitment”, you learned about my whirlwind romance with a wonderful man I refer to as “IDWAC”, which stands for “I Don’t Want A Commitment”.
The short version, I asked the freshly divorced man, who still needed to date other women, to not date anyone in my circle. In the end, he did just that. And my “friend” broke the GIRL CODE. I remember being on the phone saying to him “Oh, she broke Girl Code. SHE’S OUT!”
I once had a man tell me that he thinks Girl Code is some BS code that women hide behind. He’s also a man I was once involved with. When we were no longer involved, he decided to ask out a couple of my friends. Two women told him they wouldn’t go out with him because they are such close friends of mine.
I really wished they had asked me about him first. I truly thought highly of him and would have loved to have seen him in a relationship with a good person, but they did not. Turns out, neither found him attractive, but they didn’t know how to turn him down.
I later found out he asked out a number of my friends, all of whom turned him down for their own reasons, which had nothing to do with me. It was as if he made it a mission to ask out the women I am friends with to prove Girl Code was BS… Needless to say, I no longer think so highly of him…
The Golden Rule
So, what is Girl Code?
To me, Girl Code is also known as the Golden Rule: Treat others as you wish to be treated. Seems pretty simple, right?
As I mentioned in “I Don’t Want A Commitment,” the idea of going after a man that my friend is involved with is absolutely nauseating to me. Just the idea that someone could be so selfish as to step all over your friend’s heart to get the attention of a man, is a huge sign of immaturity.
Have I done it? No. Have I tried it? Yes – in my early 20’s when I was full of insecurities and lacking in adult maturity. As one male friend put it when I spoke to him about the IDWAC situation (who he is friends with)
“Forget Girl code. It’s basic human decency.”
True friendships are so hard to find. Why would I ever risk losing a long-term friend over a guy?
Alas it happened, and not just once. It happened twice. I’ll share that story at a later date. I will give you a preview – the second time it happened, my BFF had sex with the guy I was seeing.
It tore a huge divide among so many now former friends of mine. You’ll be amazed at how many people are okay with some who can so easily betray their best friend. I think they revel in the drama.
These are NOT Girl Code Women.
GIRL CODE
So, what exactly is Girl Code?
Girl code is an unwritten set of rules that girls follow to be respectful, supportive, and kind to each other. The best version I’ve found has to be this article written by a freshman college student in 2018, The Six Most Important Girl Code Rules. It’s quick, concise, and reflects my values when it comes to Girl Code.
Alex Galloway states these as the most important Girl Code Rules. I have to say, I agree with her…
- Don’t hate on girls you don’t know. There’s nothing more annoying than hearing something some girl said about you. It’s extra annoying when you’ve never talked to this person before. Don’t be that girl!
- Be honest when your girlfriend asks how she looks. This one took me a while to learn. If your friend asks for your opinion on something whether that be her hair, makeup or outfit, BE HONEST!
- Rescue any girl you see getting hit on by a creep. Follow this rule even if you’ve never met this girl in your life. If it’s obvious this girl is uncomfortable or even if you just get bad vibes, do something.
- Ex’s, siblings and close friends are off limits unless you get permission. This is a well-known rule, yet girls still break it all the time. If you wouldn’t want your girlfriend to do something to you, then don’t do it to them.
- Don’t share secrets. Even if they may seem small or insignificant. Don’t share your girlfriend’s business!
- Don’t let a guy get between you and your friend. No matter what the situation might be. Boys aren’t ever worth losing a friendship. “Sisters before misters” is a saying for a reason!
Here’s some examples of how I demonstrate Girl Code in my life:
- I just met a really sweet woman in a bar this past weekend. We were talking and she had something big and green in her teeth. I pointed it out, and she was happy I did! I definitely want my friends to do this for me. Better for one person to point it out so I can fix it!
- A couple of years ago I was at a meetup. I saw a new woman there named Sherri and she appeared to be trapped by a man named Chase, who I’ve seen chase women away. I didn’t want this to happen to her, so I went over and introduced myself. I asked her if she had met anyone else, and when she said no. I grabbed her hand and dragged her away from Chase. Sherri was thankful, and we’re still friends today 🙂
- I know secrets – I know the secrets of people who don’t even know I know their secrets – but I haven’t shared them. The secrets are not mine to tell, but I am happy to be a sounding board for anyone who feels the need to vent.
Girl Code is important because it helps women build strong, supportive relationships with each other. It can also help women feel safe and accepted, something we all need.
Breaking Girl Code
When you break Girl Code, you can expect to face consequences from your friends. They may be angry, hurt, or disappointed in you. They may also feel betrayed and no longer trust you.
In some cases, breaking Girl Code can even lead to the end of friendships. I’ve lost 2 friends thanks to them breaking Girl Code. One was my BFF.
If you’re not careful, your actions could damage your relationships with the people you care about most.
If you’re thinking about breaking Girl Code, it’s important to weigh the potential consequences against the benefits. Is it really worth it to risk losing your friends over something that may not seem like a big deal?
If you do decide to break Girl Code, it’s important to be honest with your friends about what you’ve done and why you did it. Be prepared for them to be upset, and be willing to apologize.
Ultimately, it’s up to you to decide whether or not to break Girl Code. Just be aware of the potential consequences before you make a decision.
If you don’t believe in Girl Code, just go back to what one male friend of mine said to me.
“Forget Girl code. It’s basic human decency.”
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